(Vast amounts of penis-talk, and frank discussion of sexual acts, so not for kids or the sexually modest.)
Appearing in the last few days, a spot tv commercial for Roman — or Ro, or ro — generic ED (erectile dysfunction) medication. It goes by very fast, but involves the administration of some medication with a needle, accompanied by a breathless voiceover, approximately:
Who would have thought that a little tiny prick could be so powerful?
I’m sure about little tiny prick / tiny little prick; in the sociosexual culture that surrounds me (in which big dicks are highly valued), my dick (which is on the lower end of normal) is pegged, sometimes contemptuously, as small (I’m happy with it, and I have some fans, but I’m understandably a bit sensitive on this point); and, in addition, like most men of my advanced age, I’m erectilely dysfunctional — hardonless — and have been for about 20 years, something I’m not particularly sensitive about (since during this time all my sex has been solitary, and there’s been a hell of a lot of it — one to three times a day, prompted by my fantasies, my dick gets a bit firm, my balls get tight, and I shoot, whoopee, like Billy the Kid) — and I wouldn’t want to add a powerful drug to the roughly 20 medications I’m taking now (but I appreciate that other guys might be anxious to get it up to please their partners and ashamed when they can’t, so ED medication is a wonderful thing at the personal level, and also to be applauded as a genuine social good).
But the commercial, with its obtrusive crude pun — prick, vulgar slang for ‘penis’ and for ‘contemptible man’ — on prick ‘a piercing, puncture’, what about the commercial?
The ads for Roman products that I’d experienced up to this one had all been serious, comforting, and reassuring, offering treatments for premature ejaculation, hair loss, and more, as well as for hardonlessness. But this one had to be a joke, one that Adweek hadn’t yet gotten around to reporting on.
Well, it wouldn’t be Roman’s first ED joke ad. There’s their 2017 number “Thinly Veiled Metaphors”. It’s a hoot.
The 2017 ad. From the Adweek site, ” Comical Ad Takes Aim at All the Thinly Veiled Metaphors in E.D. Advertising: Roman goes for the low hanging fruit” by T.L. Stanley 12/14/17 (with the ad playable on the site):
In the world of Big Pharma advertising, there’s a subgenre for erectile dysfunction meds that makes it abundantly clear, from the first moment, what kind of drug the commercial is hawking — because of all the thinly veiled visual metaphors.
A men’s health service called Roman decided to have some fun with all the clichés in the category for a new digital spot called, aptly, “Thinly Veiled Metaphors.”
The ad spoofs competitors like Levitra (with its ever-present football toss) and Cialis (the bathtubs in the middle of nowhere), hoping to boost Roman’s exposure and have a laugh at the expense of those huge-spending brands.
The company. As it turns out, completely legit — the ED products are on firm medical footing — and well-reviewed on the ED front. So: not a rip-off firm, and they don’t offer penis enlargement schemes and junk like that. What they say on the ro website:
Roman is convenient men’s healthcare: From the online visit to contact-free delivery with ongoing care, expect a seamless experience.
Company details from Wikipedia:
Ro is an American telehealth company that diagnoses patients, and subsequently prescribes and delivers treatments. The company is headquartered in New York City.
Ro was launched as Roman in October 2017 by Zachariah Reitano, Saman Rahmanian, and Rob Schutz. Reitano’s experience with erectile dysfunction led him to co-found the company. It has both a telemedicine practice and a pharmacy to distribute medications for erectile dysfunction, hair loss, premature ejaculation, cold sores, and genital herpes treatments. In September 2018, the company renamed itself Ro
A typical print ad from the company, in this case for their PE (premature ejaculation) meds:
The company is entirely open about what its meds are and how they work. Here’s the advice on their PE meds:
There are three prescription-strength medications for premature ejaculation (PE) available on the Roman platform: sildenafil citrate (the active ingredient in Viagra) (see important safety information), tadalafil (the active ingredient in Cialis) (see important safety information), and sertraline (a type of medication known as a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, or SSRI) (see important safety information). Your doctor or nurse practitioner will decide which treatment option is most appropriate for you after reviewing the information you provide in your online visit. While one medication may be better for one person, a different medication may be better for another person. It all depends on your specific medical history, symptoms, and preferences. Of note, there is no medication that is specifically FDA-approved for the treatment of PE. However, sildenafil citrate, tadalafil, and sertraline can be prescribed off-label for this purpose, if appropriate.
In addition to these three prescription medications, Roman Swipes is an over-the-counter treatment for PE that you can purchase directly from the website without going through an online visit.
[Roman Swipes are topical anesthetics (4% benzocaine) that reduce the intensity of sexual stimulation and can prolong the duration of sex.]
Notes on penis size. My periodic reminder about the basic facts. Occasioned today by the chance that the Roman “little tiny prick” ad spoof was designed in part to give comfort to men with smaller penises — saying, in effect, yeah, buddy, even your little dick can be a fuckin’ cannon. From my 7/1/20 posting “A hose in your pocket”:
On matters of penis size, see the Page on this blog on the subject. Most penises are in the range from 5 to 7 inches, which I will now refer to as right-sized. Below that, there are smaller penises, down to the micropenis level [< 3.66 in.]. Above that there’s world of big dicks, analyzed and labeled in my 2/17/20 posting “Preference labels and little pockets”, which looks at guys advertising 7, 8, and 9 inches, and provides a categorization of the world from 7 inches and up, with labels for a PSD (Porn Standard Dick) of 7 inches; a PWD (Porn World-Class Dick) of 9 inches; and a RM (Ripley Marvel) longer than that.
And then on a more personal level, from my 8/1/23 posting “Annals of Dutch phallicity”:
for praise of little dicks, I quote once again the best thing anyone has said about mine: a casual sexual partner at the baths, when we’d gotten past that awful moment when the other guy sees my dick — at 5″ erect, at the lower edge of the normal range for American men, so in no way actually small, but given American men’s obsession with big dicks, it counts as small, so as unworthy of sexual attentions — and hears my anxiety about whether he’s going to reject me (he was a hot guy, I was really yearning for a blow job , especially from him), and says (more or less — this is a very old memory):
It’s just perfect: small enough to be easy to handle, but big enough to be thoroughly satisfying.
[on thorough satisfaction:] It’s the mouthfeel, with enough bulk to provide the psychological satisfaction of taking another man’s dick, the emblem of his masculinity, into your body, filling your mouth with it, feeling the blood beating in its veins, and then tasting it and smelling the powerful sex sweat that’s pouring into his crotch.